Thursday, January 28, 2016

EMME TURNS ONE

 [January 28, 2015, minutes after Emme was born]
...
It's early morning as I sit in my kitchen... the sun is shining right on me. And I can't help but to thank God for the amazing healthy year my sweet Emme has had. I can't believe that one year has gone by so quickly but it's been one of the best years of our lives. Through all the sleepless nights and the worries... and all the struggle of having a newborn, comes these amazing moments of pure JOY. 
She truly came into our lives at the most perfect time and filled not just mine but our entire family's hearts with happiness and and overload of joy. I remember when Ben turned one, the night of, at midnight, we sang "happy birthday" and I couldn't help but cry, because if you are a mom, you know these little humans are truly the most precious thing we have. There is nothing better, nothing more, nothing more powerful than the love of a mother to her child. 
I look at my children and feel so blessed. I think back and go right down memory lane... the first time we introduced her to Ben, those breastfeeding moments, waking up every hour or two... 
... the sweet "Arrurru mi nina, arrurru mi amor..." baby songs Ben would sing to her, her first time eating solids, the first time she said "papa", the time she did "caballito" on her own... the first time she fell... the first time got sick, the first time she stood up on her own.. 
All those times are moments that are engraved in my heart. 
But I have to admit that year, 2014, I felt like I was pregnant forever. It was probably the longest pregnancy for me I was pregnant pretty much that entire year... and I was constantly so worried... I was constantly worried because a few months before I had one of the worse moments of my life: 
I had miscarried a baby I already loved so much and knew only in my heart for 13 weeks.
...
On February 22, 2014, I miscarried at 13 weeks pregnant and felt the saddest I've ever felt in my life. It was a very traumatic experience for me. After that, I worried every single day. To this day, about every thing. I worried on whether or not I would be able to give Ben a sibling, or if I would miscarry again if I got pregnant again. I relied on my close friends and dear family for love and support during that time.. we were all so sad but so hopeful that I would, in fact, have another baby very soon. The doctor told I could try to get pregnant after my first period, following my DNC. Or I could wait... 
But I wanted that sweet baby so bad... we didn't wait. And today I am glad I didn't.
Because God knew exactly what he was doing when He blessed us with my sweet Emme. 
On May 29, 2015, on our 6th year anniversary, I found out I was pregnant again. And while I jumped for joy, I worried those entire 40 weeks of pregnancy. I share my story with you today, because, I know so many women go through the same thing. One of the messages from all the flowers and cards that my family and friends sent me, that stuck to me the most was one from my two cousins... and it read: "ome things are so precious to ever even hold", I'll never forget that. It made my heart warm when I read it and I cried. But I think to this day that was true. But today I have my Emme and we couldn't be happier and more thankful to God. 
I choose to share my story, today, on the day of my daughter's birthday because she is a clear proof that God is always in charge and always knows best. I was sitting here thinking what a crazy year 2014 was but was a blessing 2015 became...
If you are going through a miscarriage or have been through one, please know that you must stay positive and fateful. God is so good. This message below helped me so much, through times I thought I couldn't be any sadder for my loss. I still think of that baby and while he/she is tucked deep in my heart, if that had not happened, Emme wouldn't be here today, turning 1 years old. 
But enough with the sadness.... let's all smile and wish my sweet doll a very happy 
F I R S T  B I R T H D A Y... she is pure joy! And I am so thankful for her life. 

Thank you all for your love and sweet comments for Emme all throughout this year... I love sharing bits of our lives with you through here. Mostly because of how we can relate, as mothers... and as women. Thank you again.. Emme's still sleeping as I write this but now I'm off to get this party started! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET DOLL. Love you, mama.
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